How Not to Lose a Friend in 10 Days

Friendship is the bedrock to a happy life

Have you ever seen the movie, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”? If you have not, here is a quick summary of what happens: Kate Hudson plays the part of a columnist, named Andy, and she has the assignment to find a guy and start dating him but to lose him in 10 days. Matthew McConoughey plays the part of an executive, named Ben, who bets that he can make a girl fall in love with him in 10 days. The two meet, and well, you can imagine how it became a very complicated situation. Andy does a lot of crazy things in the span of 10 days in hopes of driving Ben away and while it made for a funny movie, you definitely do not want to follow her example in real life. If you tried doing what she did in your own life, you would most likely ruin some relationships along the way. This is how not to lose a friend in 10 days. 

Psychology Today says that “friendship is the bedrock to a happy life” and gives us 10 great ways on how to be a good friend: 

Forgiveness is important because everyone makes mistakes. Rather than turning your back on a friend who has hurt you, talk about your pain. If this person is a real friend, he or she will apologize. 

Reliability is a cornerstone of good friendship. Knowing that you can call on someone who will be there for you, and you know has your back, is empowering and a great comfort. 

If you want to have a friend, learn to be a friend. Giving what you want to get is the best way to show someone how to be your friend. People generally like us because we like them. 

Envy will kill a friendship, and so will jealousy. Your friend may have everything you think you want, but if you are green with envy, your friend will sense that something’s out of sync in your relationship. So count your blessings, which should include having a friend who inspires you to achieve your goals. 

Negativity is the antithesis of friendship. No friendship is going to be perfect all of the time, but keep the bad vibes away; they can only undermine the good thing you’ve got going. 

Deep discussions are a treasure of friendship. Having a friend who won’t judge you can make your life better. Letting out your feelings with a trusted ally is good therapy. 

Sharing your feelings and being able to listen are important parts of any good relationship. For some reason, women seem to be better at this than men, so guys, let’s be better buddies to each other. 

Happiness can come from knowing you have good people in your life. If you don’t have a family of your own, having your friends as family is a true privilege. 

Independence is an important part of good friendships. Your friend, no matter how close he or she may be, can’t be there for you every minute; almost no one can. That would make for an unhealthy dependency; friendship needs to be a two-way street. 

People from your past may be more than just someone you once knew. For several reasons, it’s easier to feel close to people you have known for a long time. There is trust there, as well as the knowledge of how someone behaves under a variety of situations. Old friends are reliable, and most of the time, they make us feel a little safer. 

If we forgive, are reliable, treat others the way we want to be treated, are humble, are positive, stay open, are a good listener, recognize the good friends that we have, are independent, and are trusting we are able to become a good friend. How can we apply this to the first time we meet someone? Generally, when you meet someone for the first time, you can know within the first five minutes if that person is someone you want to be friends with and you find a way to ensure that happens; whether that’s getting their number and planning to do something or inviting them to join in on something you already have planned. What follows in the next 10 days is essential to how your relationship will continue to develop. Will you do the things you need to do to nurture it and become better friends or will you let that friendship slip away? 

Day One: First impressions are everything. You want the other person to get to know you but you also want to be engaging and show that person that you are interested in them. How do you show someone you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them and becoming their friend? Ask sincere questions! Find out a lot about them in this first interaction. If their hobby is something that you do not know much about, ask follow up questions and show them that you are interested in them and their life. You can even ask them to teach you that hobby sometime! 

Day Two: Reach out to them. Hopefully you would have exchanged numbers the day before. Send them a quick text letting them know that it was nice to meet them and wish them a good day at work and suggest doing something later that week. 

Day Three: Nowadays, following someone on social media is a step in becoming friends. Take the time to follow them on the social media platforms that you use. 

Day Four: You and your friends have planned a game night in a couple of days and you remember that your new friend mentioned liking game nights! Send them a quick text inviting them to join! 

Day Five: Take a breather! You do not want to be crazy overwhelming at first so take this time for yourself and enjoy your hobbies. 

Day Six: It’s Game Night!! (Or whatever activity you invited them to). If they end up not being able to come, do not take it personally. They could be busy with work, family and other relationships and activities at the moment. Plus, it can be intimidating to meet up with a group of people that you do not know super well. If they come, stay positive and friendly and they will have a good time. 

Day Seven: You’re scrolling through your social media when you find a meme that reminds you of a funny story your new friend told you last night so you tag them in it! This will show them that you were listening and have not forgotten the things that they have told you in the short time that you have known each other. 

Day Eight: Take another day where you do not have to be in a lot of contact unless something comes up that you would like to share with them. Remember to be considerate of them and their schedule. 

Day Nine: They invited you to try one of their favorite activities with their friends tonight! You have never done it before, so you might be hesitant and afraid of embarrassing yourself but friends are there to support each other. Do not be afraid to try new things with new people!  

Day Ten: You have a solid foundation for this friendship to continue to grow. You both are able to contact each other and invite each other to things without hesitation. You have learned things about one another and can continue to get to know each other and deepen your relationship. 

There you have it! 10 things to do in the first 10 days of becoming friends with someone to ensure that your friendship will not die off quickly. Throughout these 10 days and throughout the rest of your friendships, make sure to be happy and smiling, loosen up and be yourself, be honest and vulnerable, remember the little details, and be present (do not be on your phone the whole time you are with them). And do not go crazy like Kate Hudson did in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” or you might lose a friend or two (but it could make for a pretty funny movie).